a clearer space

A question i've been asking myself. why do i want a man? I dont need them. Why do i want them? i want some real answers and all it comes down to is just for sex. They can give me sex and i want to be taken to places i've never been before in the sensual realm. I want a man because i want to be taken for a ride, because i cannot go to where i want to go by myself.I want to be taken for an Emotional and sexual experience. I dont care about commitment. I dont feel like i want a boyfriend. I dont want it safe. I want danger, mystery, addiction, passion and that intoxicating heady feeling when you're near him. That high energy. that chemistry.
I cried on monday, inside B's arms. He gave me comfort, sweet love and presence. Although it feels good, when its all over, i realized that i am not actually that sad. Its all been like a game. I play a certain role, and here's this prince to rescue me. And you know what? i am sick and tired of playing the princess game and having men come and give me what i want. Have them think its safe to be with me when they feel like they are in a nest filled with soft feathers. In actuality, they are in my soft palms with claws that could kill them. I play the princess role on the outside. Very often and very believable. Truth is, i have a vicious side to me. A dark side. I love control. I love playing mind games with these men. I Love seeing how they writhe to no avail and they all come down on their knees before me. I love collecting admirers and teasing them ,and then push them away. hurt them. I love inflicting pain. Mental/emotional pain to rouse even more desire toward me. C plays the same game. Perhaps thats why we're so in tune with each other. Perhaps thats the source of my endless fascination with him. He can match me and he knows not to give in. Because once he did, I win the game or perhaps we both win the game. I love the fact that he's not afraid of me. That he's not afraid to push my buttons and he's intentionally wanting me to lose my control. He wants to draw out that vicious side of me and my foul temper. He said he got turned on when i got mad at him. He loves to see my anger, to draw out the fire in me. He knows how to handle it and i like him more because of this. I love the fact that he could play the game to the same intensity or even more. I love the fact that he does not give me the control. He knows how to play and in turn, i keep coming back. Question is, How do i step up my game with him? How do i push his buttons and tease him mercilessly at his own game? What can i do with my body, with my eyes, with my touch and with my gesture to utterly make him lose his control, slowly and surely, without him noticing it? In other words,how can I use my feminine wiles to bend him to my will? without him realizing it?