A kiss

I wanted to write about my sensations when i kiss this guy. The major player in my love story of this year. Last night, the voice in me spoke the truth. A very clear sounding "let me rest." And I will honor this request because its the right thing to do for the health of my being. The path that i must take is simply "letting go of this man." This wonderful man who has opened me and showed me whats possible. It is hard and it is sad to let him go and do it consciously without creating any justifications. I feel affection for this man. I support him unconditionally, but there comes a point in time where i just feel that this relationship is unhealthy for my well being. It feels as if i'm the one who's always giving and caring about him and i did not get anything kind in return. And hence, after what happened saturday night, i knew that i have reached the peak of my feelings for him. I have got no more to give. I do not want to be kept strung along. I need to take responsibility for myself. Two options are very clear;its either cutting off the relationship completely, or changing the nature of the relationship, meaning not acting upon any sexual impulses and definitely no physical touch. The chemistry/sexual tension between us is too damn strong. And he made me feel bad with his comments comparing me and B and the other coach. I realized that he has been a complete asshole on me, taking my kindness for granted and not appreciating me. And frankly, i am through with that kind of attitude.

So for one last time, i wanted to close my eyes and describe what it felt like to kiss him. What arises from my body. I want to write about this because i want to be able to look at it one day and relive it.

The moment his lips touched my mouth, his tongue is unapologetic in claiming me, snaking its way into my parted lips. Plunging and retreating , willing me to surrender everything. it feels as if we are two missing pieces of a puzzle. Our lips fit so perfectly. The shape, the taste and the movement are locked in a beautiful dance. A kiss so fatal that it blocked every line of reasoning in my brain. A kiss so sweet that nourished my heart. A kiss so dangerous that it could make you go mad. A kiss so promising that it made you want to sell your soul just to have one night of passion with him. A kiss so beautiful that I would not be complete if i had never experience it. A kiss thats worth a lifetime of waiting but at the same time, haunting your dreams forever. Like poison , it could kill you in a thousand deaths.Like an addiction, it will chain you for eternity. Every single time we kissed, passion rised up in an instant.Every single time, heat, passion, melt into one. Melting every single resistance in me, melting my knees. When you kissed me, its like the world stopped. All i care is your lips, your breath, your body, your hands, your scent right there...right that second...right that moment. Everything ceased to exist.

Thats exactly why i have to let you go. Every single sensation have to be let go. Because i know that what i need to do is to not to let you go as a person. But to let go of every sensation thats associated to you. How can i be ok i i keep feeding this addiction? Its just clear. "let me rest" and I am honoring this request by taking baby steps. And the first step is to stay away from you.