Being a woman

A friend invited me to a talk at the mansion tonight. It was about sex. Its a seminar for mainly guys of how to own your sexuality and i was just there because i was curious. There was this exercise to awaken your erotic energy and i couldnt go through with it because i was just plain embarassed. I wasn't ready for it and i was uncomfortable being the only girl in the midst of all the guys who were there. I ended up staying for about 1/2 hour. But, those half hour makes me think about my own core, my own presence, my own sexuality. Being an asian who grew up in a traditional country, sexuality is repressed. Women are restricted to think about sex, let alone be sexual. We are taught that sex is wrong, that it is taboo and dirty and that good girls are not supposed to want or have sex. Seriously, i grew up fearing the penis, the thought that "sex is wrong" is deeply ingrained in my brain. It took me quite sometime to accept the fact that i am a very sexual girl. That i have passion and a libido thats not even quite to my understanding and that i love sex. I want to have plenty of sex and i want to explore the full potential of my sexuality. However, i feel that i'm still not quite comfortable with my own sexuality. My biggest challenge is that i think too much. I can't just let go, just feel the pleasure, just let myself be a sexual being of pure emotions and senses. I think i need to work on this deeply ingrained idea that "i'm not supposed to like this, or this or that. it really messes me up." because i want to have great sex, i want to be able to enjoy sex in its most primitive form. That uninhibited passion, the heat, the sweat, the urgency, the pure enjoyment of bodies. I want to be able to achieve an orgasm that will take you to the heavens above. Perhaps i dont even need a guy for this. Perhaps i can do something about it by reading Books, being aware and going to seminars and talks. I am striving to be a better person everyday. To know myself more, to find and understand my core being, to truly undertand the meaning of erotic empowerment. And to make the quality of my life better.

Life is not just about making money, getting good jobs. Life is making new discoveries, loving the world you live in and most of all, loving yourself. It took me a while to realize this about myself and i am not afraid to celebrate my femininity, my womanhood. I am pretty damn excited about this because this is a beautifully gilded door which i was too afraid to open and stepped inside. I will face this with an open heart, a love for myself and patience.