Honesty
I haven't been able to sleep well for the past week. Even though I was tired, my mind was racing. Last night, i finally realized that i've been stressing out over TN. And i was thinking to myself that i need to write some stuff down before i go to bed. I didnt want to bring any of that into my slumber. I was able to be honest with myself. I could answer the questions of:
1. What am i afraid of?
2. What do i really want.
And after i wrote it all down, i was able to sleep better.
Even though i know what i want ultimately, i dont know if i'm ready to give my part yet. I dont know if i'm ready for the full emotional investment and the commitment. I feel that my life is so up-in-the-air that any commitment is not feasible right now. I'd rather just play it safe, have fun, get to know people and when i find the person, it would be okay.
The more i see it, I'm not sure if TN is someone who can give me what i want. I dont feel safe with him. I dont feel secure. Yeah, its fabulous when we are together, but i'm not sure it will be enough if i were to keep seeing him. I dont think i can just close one eye and keep wondering who he's with. I know in my head that we are not exclusive and that i am dating people too. But, if i would to be honest with myself, if my heart likes him, it doesn't matter how many other guys i dated. I would be thinking about him and i would be hurt if everytime i have to wonder who he's with or if this is the last i'll see of him. I want peace of mind, not some crazy roller coaster ride. I think i feel that there's more of a stake here because i like him more and more everytime i am with him.
Anyways, I'm trying to really feel it in my heart, to make a decision and to be brutally honest with myself. I dont want to think less of myself or change my perception of who i am just because i'm obsessing over him. Any guy would be lucky to be with me. I truly believe that. Whether He is TN or others, everything will work out for the best. I have to trust my instincts even if its not something that i'd like.
Wish me luck ya?
1. What am i afraid of?
2. What do i really want.
And after i wrote it all down, i was able to sleep better.
Even though i know what i want ultimately, i dont know if i'm ready to give my part yet. I dont know if i'm ready for the full emotional investment and the commitment. I feel that my life is so up-in-the-air that any commitment is not feasible right now. I'd rather just play it safe, have fun, get to know people and when i find the person, it would be okay.
The more i see it, I'm not sure if TN is someone who can give me what i want. I dont feel safe with him. I dont feel secure. Yeah, its fabulous when we are together, but i'm not sure it will be enough if i were to keep seeing him. I dont think i can just close one eye and keep wondering who he's with. I know in my head that we are not exclusive and that i am dating people too. But, if i would to be honest with myself, if my heart likes him, it doesn't matter how many other guys i dated. I would be thinking about him and i would be hurt if everytime i have to wonder who he's with or if this is the last i'll see of him. I want peace of mind, not some crazy roller coaster ride. I think i feel that there's more of a stake here because i like him more and more everytime i am with him.
Anyways, I'm trying to really feel it in my heart, to make a decision and to be brutally honest with myself. I dont want to think less of myself or change my perception of who i am just because i'm obsessing over him. Any guy would be lucky to be with me. I truly believe that. Whether He is TN or others, everything will work out for the best. I have to trust my instincts even if its not something that i'd like.
Wish me luck ya?
posted by Ms.X at
11:58 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home