I am really drunk right now. But i want to write something to believe that i'm more honest. i can't stop thinking about TN . I texted him and never got a reply, and i was and am still upset. I am smitten with him. I like him. i dont know if its because i want him. I want to fuck him. Or is it because of desperation. I am just so curious about him, i want to tame him, but i know it doesnt work that way. I wonder what would be the best way to forget about him? I still dream about his kisses, what he tastes like, what he feels like, how he smelles like and how he made me feel. How ? and what am i supposed to do. My brain understood it clearly. we cant never work it out, but it makes it more romantic and i'm more stubborn. Is it time to wake up? are we just so wrong for each other? why then, did i decide to give him a chance? I trust my instincts more than anything. I trust it. I believe that we had a really strong connection that night, a strong chemistry. Could it be that he is afraid too? could it be that he's not ready and afraid of getting hurt again? from what i know about him, he is the type of person who feels deeply, who love s deeply, maybe he's scared too. There's nothing i can do about it. I cannot make a man love me, i cannot make a man want to be with me. EVeryday its a choice. I miss hearing/reading him call me baby, i miss hearing him being sexual with me. I miss everything. And i am mad at the result. I wonder if i did the wrong thing, for giving it a chance, for talking to him. I wonder if i ad it all wrong. I wonder if i made a mistake again and again. I just want, i just want to be happy and content. I just want to find a man who is a dream come true. I need to let this guy go. I need to have a bigger heart than this. We cant be together. I need to accept it.