TN update

Sooo.....I am losing patience over TN. I think it wont be long before we're done. Ever since last sunday in which i thought we had an amazing time and better connection, he was acting differently. Now, of course, i'm not sure if its just my little "pink bunnies jumping in my head" talking, or if its real, but i've learned to trust my instincts when it comes to guys. I do not want to make any excuses for a guy's behavior. Its just crap and i dont need it. Normally he would text me , but this week, it was all IM. And also, i know he's dating other girls , because he brought one to a dinner in a friend's place. My friend wasn't very specific so i am still not sure what its all about. Long story short, it bugs me, but i still want to see him, i am still very curious. We Im'ed tuesday and wednesday for like 15 minutes and he pretty much told me what he was doing each night (i didn't ask). Anyways, didn't hear from him on thursday. On friday, i wanted to see him, so i texted him. He did text me (but it was like an hour and shit), and being very sexual. I was sexual with him back. I thought, what the heck, this is playing and i didnt care about the "game" anymore coz there's no way in hell i could be serious with this guy anyway. Plus, i was buzzed from the wine and the cigarette i had after dinner. So, after like 2 texts, my friend was tired and wanted to go home. I was to be honest a little horny and the possibility of seeing him, and kissing him was enough to make me swoon. So, i called him. No answer. So, i didnt do anything, no texts, no vm, not gonna call him again, drove home. As i was driving back home, he called and we talked. Nothing out of the ordinary here, just telling each other stuff, and told him i wanted to see him tonight. He said he was going to party with his friends and told me that he's going to call me if its not a guys night out. And he also said that "lets figure something out tomorrow." I knew that he wasn't going to call me that night, but didnt really care coz i was tired already. I did wait though while reading harry potter. Afterwards, i was like, screw it, i changed got into my pajamas and went to sleep. But lately, i havent been able to sleep because of him. Its like i'm constantly obsessing over him and i hated it. So, At about 2:30 am, he texted dirty to me. And since i was not asleep yet and feeling frisky myself, i played along with him. We texted back and forth (text sex..if there's such a thing), until about 4 am.

Went to sleep. feeling pretty good. Woke up today and totally thought that i would here back from him. And its now 5pm, and nada!. I'm like, what the fuck??? I dont appreciate this. Not being kept waiting, certainly not the bullshit. Its like if you still like me, see me, if not, tell me straight out. I dont need this bullshit. So, i've decided that i'm done waiting , i'm going out with my friends. This brought the whole dejavu to when i dated ryan. I am not falling into this crap again.

So, i am disappointed and there are times when i replayed everything in my head of what i could have done wrong, which was my mistake, am i not good enough for him ( i know , can you believe this??), and i thought about the other girls. Fuck it!. I'm done with it. This is not a fun game for me anymore, so i think i am actually ready to cut him loose. I just can't believe it though. I actually thought he has more grace than this.

Anyways, yep, i guess, i'm going to be without dating sprees for a while, which is completely fine. I dont want to have to always need dates. My mentality is, when I go out, i wanna have fun. If something happens, or if someone comes along, great! but if not, its ok too, i have other focus.