Happy Birthday to my first love

i miss the connection. The safe feeling inside your strong embrace. I miss curling up beside you in bed. I miss the warmth of your body. I miss sleeping in the nook. that little spot above your heart. i miss your scent. I miss having you to take care of me. I miss driving to your place. I even miss hunting for parking around there. I wish i was more mature. I wish i could just really enjoy my time with you towards the end. I wish i wasnt paralyzed in fear. The imminent fear of losing you. Losing love. I loved you with all my heart. I Loved you holding nothing back. I surrendered to love. And it was the most beautiful experience bestowed upon me. Those magical months of pure untouchable bliss. I had never felt so understood. I had never felt so protected. I had never felt so not-alone. At last, i thought, i was not lonely anymore after years of fighting this. I thought you were a gift from the heavens above. There were so many things that i would do differently if i could turn back time. I would appreciate you more. I would support your purpose completely instead of wishing you were someone different. I'm sorry for those hellish times. I'm sorry for the pain i have caused you. I'm sorry for making you sad. I'm sorry for losing myself. You are one in a million. You are a treasure. Your woman is very lucky to have you and i hope she knows it and shows her love. I hope she makes you happy. I hope she gives you everything you have ever wanted. I hope she appreciates you.

Its your birthday overthere isnt it? I feel that its time i let you go completely. Its time i set you free from my heart. Its been one year. and i dont want to keep you in my heart, because i know i wont find a substitute for you. I want to be able to start fresh and anew with a beginner's mind and heart. I dont want to look for your substitute. I want to be clean and pure to give and receive the next great love of my life. I need to cleanse. Cleanse the pain, the suffering, the longing of you. I cant let the memories haunt me anymore. So, i'm going to lock those memories in a wooden chest and store it safely in the recesses of my heart. There will always be a part of me who will love you forever. But, for now, i just feel i need to breathe.

Happy Birthday, my love. May all your dreams come true. May all the world's happiness be bestowed upon you and may you find what you're looking for.