Something strange happened to me today. I was watching the olympics race, especially michael phelps and i felt as if i was being awaken from a deep slumber. I looked around me. the situation i am in at work and i realized how unhappy i am to be here. I am ready to give up my greencard processing for a better opportunity. I am ready to jump ship but again, i realized that my ship is not there. I feel as if i have been holding myself back and distracting myself and trying to be ok. But, the truth is this is not ok. I want to do what i'm supposed to do, to inspire , to leave a mark in this world, to be happy, i want to be extraordinary. To compete. To defy the odds. Wealth is not the focus. I just want a simple lasting fulfillment and happiness. I feel like i need to be honest with myself. I dont see myself being with josh because i think i wanted to move and he doesnt want to. I feel that i cant do what i want to do in the bay area.I cant explain why, but i feel as if something is missing here. I'm done with this area. And it scares me because well, the pain thats associated with losing someone you love. I do know that he cant be my excuse of not doing anything or moving forward or living my dream. I dont want to just live a mediocre existence. I want something more than the usual. People might say i am stupid. But its not their call. Ultimately, i am responsible for the direction, the kind of life and most of all, to do what will make me the happiest.