The honest truth
A few days ago, someone asked me what kind of a relationship that i want. While the context of his question is probably more into the romantic kind of relationship, i think the answer could be applied universally to all kinds of relationships. Afterall, any interactions we have with another person, is considered a relationship. Be it friends, acquaintances, family, or work.
Back then, I could not give an answer because I had so much shells and blockages in my body. I could not hear my heart and myself. Last night, however, i was in a state of relaxation where the chatter in my brain stopped, or perhaps the more accurate way is to say "quieted down" and i had some sort of an epiphany. A reminder of why i am here and what i desire in my relationships with fellow human beings.
I desire a relationship where its open, honest and real. Where we can hold each other at our highest standards and maximum potential and hold each other accountable for the sole owner and navigator of our own lives. Where we will be a reminder to the other one when they are being paralyzed by fear or feeling small at heart or bullshiting themselves. I want a relationship where both people can grow,where both can discover more about themselves,about other people and about life. Where they feel like they can just "be" and basked in their light. where they were given space to create, to become who they are at their most authentic forms. NO judgments, but support. NO jealousy but love. NO envy but compassion and kindness.
When I verbalize this in my heart and my mind, a peaceful feeling washed over me. I have been agonizing over my fall-out with one of my closest friends. A girl who I considered my sister. A girl whom i had shared so much and opened myself up to. I have been having second thoughts, because i hate cutting people out of my life. I considered trying to contact her again to figure things out. But for some reason or another, I decided to wait. To really ask myself if she is worth it. I also wanted to know whether this is just my ego or pride talking. And so, I waited and mulled it over. That is, until last night. I realized that i did the right thing. She was not at the same wavelength where she can meet me halfway. The friendship was going downhill for me. It wasn't supportive. It was becoming toxic to my nature, to my core, and to my essence. It was filled with unsaid words, emotions and it was becoming painfully superficial.
I felt like i have finally made peace with my decision. And as much as it pained me, I will never settle for less. The whole saying of "people come in and out of your life" takes on a whole new meaning for me. Perhaps, i was naive in thinking that a friendship could last forever. I mean, there's no guarantee. All kinds of Relationships need "two to tango." it needs equal participation and efforts for the players involved. I know i'm as guilty as neglecting it sometimes. But I have been fortunate to have gentle reminders from the people in my life. I can count my friends in just one hand who has genuine effort to keep our relationships going strong, smooth and genuine. And those, I am grateful for. And perhaps, for now, that is enough.
Back then, I could not give an answer because I had so much shells and blockages in my body. I could not hear my heart and myself. Last night, however, i was in a state of relaxation where the chatter in my brain stopped, or perhaps the more accurate way is to say "quieted down" and i had some sort of an epiphany. A reminder of why i am here and what i desire in my relationships with fellow human beings.
I desire a relationship where its open, honest and real. Where we can hold each other at our highest standards and maximum potential and hold each other accountable for the sole owner and navigator of our own lives. Where we will be a reminder to the other one when they are being paralyzed by fear or feeling small at heart or bullshiting themselves. I want a relationship where both people can grow,where both can discover more about themselves,about other people and about life. Where they feel like they can just "be" and basked in their light. where they were given space to create, to become who they are at their most authentic forms. NO judgments, but support. NO jealousy but love. NO envy but compassion and kindness.
When I verbalize this in my heart and my mind, a peaceful feeling washed over me. I have been agonizing over my fall-out with one of my closest friends. A girl who I considered my sister. A girl whom i had shared so much and opened myself up to. I have been having second thoughts, because i hate cutting people out of my life. I considered trying to contact her again to figure things out. But for some reason or another, I decided to wait. To really ask myself if she is worth it. I also wanted to know whether this is just my ego or pride talking. And so, I waited and mulled it over. That is, until last night. I realized that i did the right thing. She was not at the same wavelength where she can meet me halfway. The friendship was going downhill for me. It wasn't supportive. It was becoming toxic to my nature, to my core, and to my essence. It was filled with unsaid words, emotions and it was becoming painfully superficial.
I felt like i have finally made peace with my decision. And as much as it pained me, I will never settle for less. The whole saying of "people come in and out of your life" takes on a whole new meaning for me. Perhaps, i was naive in thinking that a friendship could last forever. I mean, there's no guarantee. All kinds of Relationships need "two to tango." it needs equal participation and efforts for the players involved. I know i'm as guilty as neglecting it sometimes. But I have been fortunate to have gentle reminders from the people in my life. I can count my friends in just one hand who has genuine effort to keep our relationships going strong, smooth and genuine. And those, I am grateful for. And perhaps, for now, that is enough.
posted by Ms.X at
1:00 PM
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