too much thinking

How should i describe how i feel right this second? My head is filled with thoughts of TN. I know, i do like him a lot. But, then, i'm trying to create some space away from him. I haven't seen him for a few days already. We usually see each other about twice a week, but this week, after much effort, i've decided to hold off seeing him until saturday. I just feel that i need time to organize my feelings before feeling helplessly sucked into him again. does this even make any sense? After much thinking , i came to the conclusion that if i want to keep seeing him, i need to forego any desire to want him to myself. I dont even know if i want thim as a boyfriend because i dont know him well enough. Part of the problem is i dont really know what i want right now. Do i want a relationship with one guy? or do i just want to meet people and see what happens? I'm inclined to say that the latter felt more comfortable. I do not want any pressure of a relationship, nor do i want to invest too much emotions into it. However, regardless, i feel that emotions will still be there. I am afterall, a girl.

A girl who is trying to control her emotions before its way too late.

Anyways, google guy finally called and asked me out on a date again a couple of days ago. Its probably gonna be the last. He's a nice guy, i dont want to keep stringing him along for no reason. I have dinner plans with him tomorrow. I plan on enjoying it, see what happens, if its still doesn't feel like there's anything there, then, i'm gonna tell him straight out.

I dont know why i'm feeling down today. Not sad per say, more like low energy. Its gloomy out. I feel empty. i miss that blissful joy when i was with the ex (before he moved cross country..when everything was just wonderful, it felt like a dream). Back to reality, i'm gonna focus my energy on other stuff. I dont want to have to rely on any guy for my fulfillment.